Prompt Library

Grief & Loss

Twelve prompts for clients carrying grief — from the death of a loved one or pet to the quieter ambiguous losses of divorce, deportation, foster transitions, or a loved one whose mind has changed. Held in the tray, grief becomes something a client can build, witness, and walk around — without having to find words for it.

12 prompts Approx. ages 5 through adult (notes per prompt) Print-friendly

Before you begin

Grief is not a problem to solve. The prompts below are not designed to "process" grief toward resolution — that framing comes from older stage models that the field has largely moved away from. Modern grief theory recognizes that grief integrates rather than ends, and that clients oscillate between leaning toward and stepping back from the loss (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). The clinician's task is to be a steady, present witness while the client does whatever they need to do in the tray.

A note about active suicidality and traumatic loss

If a client has experienced sudden, violent, or traumatic loss — or is having suicidal ideation themselves — these prompts are not a replacement for trauma-focused stabilization or safety planning. Use only inside an established therapeutic relationship, after risk assessment, and with appropriate consultation.

Memory & presence

1. Build a memory of them

Continuing bonds · Ages 5+
"Build a scene that has them in it — a memory of being together, somewhere you both knew. Take your time picking the figures. There's no wrong memory."
What to watch for Sensory specifics — what room, who else was there, what was happening. Specificity is a sign the memory is intact and accessible. Vagueness or compliance ("I don't know, just somewhere") may indicate the client isn't ready, or is dorsal-leaning. Slow down rather than push.
Continuing bonds framework (Klass, Silverman, & Nickman, 1996); narrative practice (White, 2007).

2. A place you both loved

Continuing bonds · Ages 5+
"Build a place you both loved being. The kitchen, the back yard, the car on a long drive, anywhere. Put yourselves in it — or just the place, if that feels right."
What to watch for This prompt often produces softer, more regulated affect than direct memory work. The place becomes a held space. Save the screenshot — clients often want to return to this scene in later sessions, and revisiting can be soothing across the work.
Resource installation; aligned with narrative therapy "remembering" practices (White, 2007).

3. Where they live in your inner world now

Continuing bonds · Ages 9+
"Build a scene of where they are for you now. Not where they were, not where their body is — where they are, in how you carry them. This can be a place, a feeling, a part of you. Anywhere."
What to watch for Some clients build literal afterlife imagery; some build something inside themselves; some build a small figure they keep in a pocket-sized scene. All of it is valid. The prompt explicitly affirms that connection continues, which can be a relief for clients who feel pressured to "move on."
Continuing bonds (Klass et al., 1996); attachment theory in bereavement (Bowlby, 1980; Stroebe, Schut, & Boerner, 2010).

What was unsaid

4. What you wish they could see

Unfinished business · Ages 8+
"Build a scene of something happening in your life right now that you wish they could see. A small thing or a big thing."
What to watch for This is a lower-risk way to surface unfinished business than direct "what did you not get to say" framing. The client tends the loss without exposing themselves to the hardest of it. Frequently produces tears that move through, rather than overwhelm.
Worden's task IV — finding an enduring connection while embarking on a new life (Worden, 2009).

5. What you would say

Unfinished business · Ages 10+
"Build a scene of you and them. Just the two of you, however felt right between you. If there's something you'd want them to know, you can have it in the scene — a figure, an object, anything. You don't have to say it out loud."
What to watch for Stay quiet. Resist the urge to ask "what would you say" verbally — the prompt has already invited it, and the tray is the way they're saying it. If they speak, listen. If they don't, the build is enough.
Empty chair / two-chair adapted for the tray (Greenberg, 2011); narrative re-membering (White, 2007).

6. What they would say back

Internalized voice · Ages 10+
"If they could send a message back — what would it be? Build a scene that shows the message. It can be words, an object, a feeling."
What to watch for For clients with secure, loving relationships pre-loss, this prompt often yields a deeply comforting internalized voice ("I'm proud of you," "I'm okay"). For clients with complicated, ambivalent, or abusive relationships, hold this lightly — the voice that comes back may not be loving, and that disclosure has its own clinical work attached. Be ready to pivot to safety or strengths.
Internalized attachment figures (Bowlby, 1969/1982); compassionate self work (Gilbert, 2010).

The shape of the loss

7. A scene from the day you found out

Narrative · Ages 12+ · Use with care
"If you can, build a scene of where you were when you learned. We can stop or move on whenever you want. We don't have to talk about it after — the build itself is enough."
What to watch for Trauma-adjacent. Use only with stabilized clients in established therapeutic relationships, never first sessions, and have grounding tools ready. If sympathetic activation rises beyond the client's window of tolerance, abandon the prompt and move to a resourcing prompt. The intent is to honor the moment, not to re-expose to it.
TF-CBT trauma narrative (Cohen, Mannarino, & Deblinger, 2017); EMDR phase 4 adapted for tray symbolic work (Shapiro, 2018).

8. The goodbye you didn't get to have

Sudden / ambiguous loss · Ages 10+
"For some losses, there isn't a chance to say goodbye the way we'd want. If you could build that goodbye now — in any version, real or imagined — what would it look like?"
What to watch for Especially powerful for sudden death, deportation, foster transitions, divorce without explanation, and pet loss where the death wasn't witnessed. The build is the goodbye. Some clients want to photograph or save the tray; offer that, gently.
Ambiguous loss framework (Boss, 1999); ritual and meaning-making in grief (Neimeyer, 2001).

Living alongside the loss

9. Where is grief in your day right now?

Dual process · Ages 10+
"Build a scene of your life as it is right now. The grief can be in the scene — anywhere it wants to be. Big, small, central, off to the side, hidden, plain. Wherever it is today."
What to watch for This prompt makes Stroebe and Schut's Dual Process Model visible — clients oscillate between loss-orientation and restoration-orientation across days and weeks. Doing this prompt every few sessions becomes a longitudinal map of how grief is integrating. Where the grief figure migrates over time is itself the data.
Dual Process Model of coping with bereavement (Stroebe & Schut, 1999, 2010).

10. What survived

Continuing presence · Ages 8+
"Build a scene of what didn't go away when they did. Things they taught you, jokes you still tell, ways you do something because of them. Tiny things count. The way you make eggs. A song. Anything."
What to watch for This is one of the most clinically generative prompts in the library. It reframes grief from "what was lost" to "what continues," without dismissing the pain. Often produces relief and, in older clients, a felt sense of legacy.
Continuing bonds (Klass et al., 1996); meaning reconstruction (Neimeyer, 2001); narrative legacy practices (White, 2007).

11. What needs to be remembered (and what doesn't)

Complicated grief · Ages 14+
"Some relationships are complicated. The person we lost wasn't only one thing. Build a scene of what you want to remember — and if there's something you don't want to carry, you can build that too, somewhere it can be set down."
What to watch for For ambivalent or abusive relationships, the loss can include relief, anger, or guilt about feeling relieved. This prompt explicitly permits that complexity. Often deeply healing for clients who feel they "shouldn't" feel mixed about the loss. Hold space; do not soften the ambivalence.
Complicated grief literature (Shear, 2015); ambivalence in mourning (Bonanno, 2009); narrative therapy externalizing (White, 2007).

12. Three figures: who you were, who you are, who you're becoming

Identity through grief · Ages 12+
"Pick three figures: one for who you were before you lost them, one for who you are now, one for who you're becoming. Place them however the relationship between those three feels right."
What to watch for Grief reshapes identity. This prompt names that explicitly without forcing a "you'll grow from this" narrative — the third figure can be uncertain, half-built, or facing away. Powerful for clients in late-stage grief work who are starting to wonder who they are now without the lost relationship orienting them.
Meaning reconstruction in bereavement (Neimeyer, 2001); identity and grief (Walter, 1996).

For school counselors specifically

School counselors often meet a grieving student in the days or weeks after a loss, not in long-term grief work. The most useful prompts in this library for short school sessions are #1 (memory), #2 (a place you both loved), and #10 (what survived) — all of them resourcing-leaning and unlikely to destabilize. Avoid #7 (the day you found out) without supervision and a stabilization plan in place.

Coordinate with families. A child whose grief is being met in school but unacknowledged at home, or vice versa, will struggle. A short note home — "we built a memory of [name] in our session today; you might want to ask about it gently, or wait for them to share" — keeps the family in the loop without burdening the child to translate.

Citations & Further Reading

  1. Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The other side of sadness: What the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss. Basic Books.
  2. Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.
  3. Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and loss, vol. 3: Loss, sadness and depression. Basic Books.
  4. Cohen, J. A., Mannarino, A. P., & Deblinger, E. (2017). Treating trauma and traumatic grief in children and adolescents (2nd ed.). Guilford.
  5. Doka, K. J. (Ed.). (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington Books.
  6. Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.
  7. Greenberg, L. S. (2011). Emotion-focused therapy. American Psychological Association.
  8. Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis.
  9. Neimeyer, R. A. (Ed.). (2001). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss. American Psychological Association.
  10. Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy (3rd ed.). Guilford.
  11. Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372(2), 153–160.
  12. Slaughter, V., & Griffiths, M. (2007). Death understanding and fear of death in young children. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 12(4), 525–535.
  13. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224.
  14. Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2010). Continuing bonds in adaptation to bereavement: Toward theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 259–268.
  15. Walter, T. (1996). A new model of grief: Bereavement and biography. Mortality, 1(1), 7–25.
  16. White, M. (2007). Maps of narrative practice. W. W. Norton.
  17. Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (4th ed.). Springer.